Sexual violence can happen to anyone, regardless of their age or gender identity. There are many men who may have been abused as adults, and there are also men who were raped as children. This is precisely why it is so important today to talk about sexual abuse against children and men
If you are reading this article and you suffered abuse, I understand it may be hard for you to ask for psychological help because of the stereotypes about men, masculinity and sexual abuse.
It is so complicated that many have to survive the sexual abuse by pretending to believe it never happened, or by minimising what happened, and they do not even dare to seek the help they need to heal.
They do not do it out of shame, fear, guilt, fear of being seen differently, and out of terror of becoming a sexual offender, or of others seeing them as a potential abuser of other children (their own children, nephews, etc.).
The myths and beliefs that exist around sexual harassment and/or rape of children place an additional emotional burden on the path to recovery in these cases.
Sexual abuse against children and men: SOME SYMPTOMS THAT MAY APPEAR
Sexual abuse leaves marks, traces on the victim, which show up in different ways. It is important to talk about these consequences or symptoms in order to learn to identify them and recognise when something is wrong. This allows us to help them and understand the cause of their behaviour.
-SHAME leads to secrecy and makes the person isolate themselves further.
-A man who suffered sexual abuse as a child feels responsible and may believe he caused it. It is even more confusing and distressing if at some point he had an erection, ejaculated, or became aroused during the abuse. This is completely normal, since the body is designed to become aroused if it is stimulated in a certain way.
-Arousal is just a normal physiological response of the body, but it in no way implies that he wanted or enjoyed the sexual abuse.
-He may also feel less of a man for not having been able to defend himself
-Many fear that others will think they are HOMOSEXUAL for having had sex with another man. You should know this is not true, since no one changes their sexual orientation because of it.
-Another situation that makes it hard for a man to reveal what happened is having been abused by a woman, because, although the harm is the same, society sometimes does not believe it or minimises the event.
The person may also present with: anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, flashbacks and eating disorders. Feeling nervous, being unable to relax, and having difficulty sleeping. Avoiding people or places that remind them of the assault or abuse. Etc.
Another great fear is that others will think he might abuse other children. Because although it is true that most sexual offenders suffered sexual abuse as children, it is not true that all men who have been abused become abusers.
IT TAKES MORE THAN THAT TO BECOME AN ABUSER
Dr. William Marshall (b.1936) says: “to become an abuser, it takes something more than just having been sexually abused. Sex offenders tend to come from dysfunctional families, where, in addition to having mostly been victims of sexual abuse themselves, they lived through a childhood with physical punishments that had nothing to do with their misbehaviour, but rather with the adult’s whims, and they were constantly exposed to emotional abuse.”
“The father was generally a violent, abusive person, who mistreated others and did not respect the physical or emotional needs of anyone in the family, and saw each family member as an object that belonged to him.”
This environment will lead the child to build an image of omnipotence, and to override the rights of others, since he never learned to have empathy for other people’s needs. He will be unable to form intimate relationships that are emotionally mature, predictable and respectful.
Abuse of alcohol, drugs, socio-environmental factors, psychological, genetic, hormonal and neurotransmitter factors all have a significant influence.
A sexual abuser can belong to any social class.
Some people believe that when a child is abused by a teenager, or the teenager is the one abused, it is normal exploratory behaviour for their age, but that is not always the case.
Sexual abuse against children and men: how can we help?
As parents, we should also not fall into the inconsistency of teaching a child to name the parts of their body, and then, when the child discovers their genitals, telling them: “don’t touch that, it’s a sin, it’s dirty, etc.”
How is a child going to talk about something that was done to them in their “dirty part, the one they weren’t supposed to touch”?
The phenomenon of sexual abuse is not limited to the family alone. As a society and as individuals, we need to be more aware of the kinds of messages we are giving, which lead many men and children who are victims of sexual abuse to feel shame and not seek the help they need after a rape, as well as reinforcing negative behaviours.
This article can help you: [Revealing Secrets of Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence] (internal link to “Sexual Abuse – Sexual Violence”)
Dear reader, do you think that:
The effects of abuse are different for a boy than for a girl?
Do you think that if someone was abused, the best thing is to forget and forgive?,
If a man confessed to you that as a child he was forced to have sex, would you be afraid to leave him alone with his children?,
When a child is abused by a man, will he become homosexual?,
If a man wants to tell you he was forced to have sex as a child, could you listen to him, or is it something you would rather not know?,
Do you think a boy has priorities or rights over a girl?,
Do you treat men and women with equality and respect?,
If your child was abused by your partner, would you dare report your partner even if it meant the end of your marriage?.
Have you been a victim of sexual abuse?
You cannot heal alone, because you have suffered a trauma and you need specialised help.
If you feel ashamed to talk face to face with a therapist about your abuse, remote therapy is a good option for taking the first step.
When are you going to take the first step towards your recovery?